Chum, 2026.
Directed by Jonathan Zuck.
Starring Alice Eve, Eric Michael Cole, Elle Haymond, Sarah Siadat, Johnny Gaffney, Lisa Yaro, and Jim Klock.
SYNOPSIS:
A newlywed couple joins friends on a Mediterranean yacht excursion, only to find themselves caught between a predatory shark and a psychopathic killer in their midst-transforming a sun-drenched escape into a fight forsurvival.
A climate change PSA wrapped up in a shark attack flick, co-writer/director Jonathan Zuck’s Chum is the type of clumsy attempt at both that makes one hope the film was going for intentionally bad rather than just plain bad.
Roped into a yacht ride while celebrating tying the knot at her destination wedding in the Mediterranean, Alice Eve’s Tina, who can’t swim and didn’t want to go on this cruise in the first place, is already having marriage troubles with her husband, Tom (Eric Michael Cole), to the point that it has already been annulled behind the backs of everyone joining them. It’s not that he’s a bad person. If anything, it’s the opposite; he once carried her half a mile through a hiking trail to safety after she injured herself, is the rare type of guy simply too good to be true, but it’s not an act, as her father and other guests at the wedding reception point out, and he is also a noble and staunch environmental activist. However, Tina also has professional ambitions of her own and has come into a huge opportunity, one that would directly conflict with something Tom is trying to accomplish regarding climate change awareness and protecting what’s left of the environment. If she chooses to go through with that assignment, it will only compound the friction that has arisen from the situation.
On paper, that might sound like intriguing drama, but most here are giving unconvincing performances, to put it nicely, eliciting laughter whenever they speak (Alice Eve is the only one who could qualify as serviceable). This only further stands out whenever the other characters, ranging from Tina’s checked-out, mopey sister (Elle Haymond) to friends speak, which mostly fall under the annoying umbrella. There isn’t a believable human being here, which, in theory, would lend some credence to the idea that the filmmakers (the screenplay is co-written by Joe Leone) are going for mindless and stupid. Except that isn’t true since we know they are passionate about the environmentalist angle and also want viewers to care for the central relationship.
None of that is possible once characters, including the ship’s captain, start falling overboard in ways that make words like “contrived” seem inadequate to do justice to describing this ridiculousness. Falling in line with pushing that climate change awareness, there is also a shark here, even though the captain had assured the party that they don’t swim this far north. Aside from some decent-looking blood-soaked waters after some mealtimes, nothing here is done well regarding the violence or the suspense. This is also a film that spends way too much time trying to show the shark, which always looks goofy and doesn’t help matters.
Somehow, none of that is the film’s worst idea. That belongs to the framing device of Roy (Jim Klock), who lost his wife to the same shark five years ago while celebrating their marriage, and is still out here, now trying to help these characters survive. Since the synopsis is already spoiling it, Roy has also turned into a psychopathic killer who is secretly planning to use these people as bait since he has had no luck trying to draw the shark out with dead meat, so he can kill it and get his revenge.
What ensues is a series of sequences where Tina and company are in peril and might not escape or might be able to fend him off, but the film still finds ways for characters to continue falling overboard into the water. It’s absolutely comical, and one gets the sense that these filmmakers never had any idea how to get the characters into position for whatever they wanted to do with them. There is one shark kill here where I’m not even sure what the thinking was behind the character trying to get away from it and Roy. On the plus side, there is a hilarious moment where Tina absurdly attempts to deal with the shark herself in a callback so nuts that will likely have been sitting in the back of one’s mind with some doubt that it’s too bonkers even for this film. It could have used a couple of more moments of insanity like that to bring it to life
Chum is also a deeply confused film that occasionally gives Roy voiceover inner thoughts, portraying him as a tormented, broken man without his wife, but never once acknowledging or even attempting to reckon with his murderous behavior and newfound excitement for killing. His final voiceover monologue is the icing on top of what an unmitigated mess this is, from conception to execution. At one point, one character removes a spear or arrow from another impaled character only to ask, “Are you okay?” This film is far from okay; it is inept at every turn.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Robert Kojder
