“Elves” is a shockingly watchable festive fever dream full of Nazis, occult lore, cat murder, family dysfunction… and so much more.
“First You’re Santa, Then You Die”: Why 1989’s Elves Is the Most Unhinged Holiday Horror You’ll Ever Regret Loving.“
In this holiday extravaganza episode of Guilty Pleasures, join hosts Stephanie, Kelly, and our newest addition, Jonathan (Jack was tied up in tinsel and couldn’t join us), as they unwrap the bizarre and unhinged world of holiday cinema. They dive into the depths of Elves, a film that’s as chaotic as it is entertaining. It’s a sleigh full of questionable decisions, diabolical dialogue, absurd plot twists, wildly offensive antics, and unhinged holiday mischief.
And that’s not all! In the second half of the podcast, join your festive cinephile friends for a look at four more “nutty as a fruitcake” holiday treats: A New York Christmas Wedding, Elf Bowling, A Medea Christmas, and Jack Frost. Plus, we each offer a bonus Christmas flick guaranteed to make you say, “Ho, Ho, HO-LY Hell!”
Expect laughter, disbelief, and a spirited debate about what truly makes a movie a guilty pleasure. Don’t miss this festive journey through the weirdest corners of holiday films!
The Nitty Gritty:
If your holiday watchlist is looking a little too wholesome—if your seasonal spirit hasn’t been properly body-slammed into the pavement by cinematic nonsense—allow us to introduce you to Elves (1989): a movie that feels less like a film and more like waking up inside a cursed mall display while someone whispers lore at you through a mouthful of cigarette smoke.
On our Guilty Pleasures Podcast holiday extravaganza (a delightfully unedited, unfiltered, “what fresh hell have you served us” kind of episode), we attempted—attempted—to discuss Elves with the dignity of serious film people. This lasted approximately six seconds, until the movie started happening to us.
This film is ostensibly about teen girls, Christmas, and a tiny creature that looks like it crawled out of a haunted sock drawer. But that’s like saying Jaws is about a beach. This is a “plot” that sprints past logic, flips it off, and then detonates a car like it’s a Looney Tunes bit.
Here’s the cleanest summary we can give you without making your brain explode:
A teenage girl gets pulled into a holiday nightmare involving occult ritual nonsense, a family secret so horrific it shouldn’t be spoken aloud, and a mythology salad that includes Nazis, “master race” rhetoric, and elves (yes, those elves) in a way that is as offensive as it is baffling.
And then—because why not—our heroic presence in this chaos is a washed-up detective-turned-mall-Santa who is somehow both deeply checked out and fully onboard to fight Christmas evil with vibes alone.
What makes Elves so insanely fun (in the “please call an adult” way)
It opens with “girl boss pagan ritual,” then swerves into pure fever dream. There’s a family backstory involving sexual assault/incest and “master race” framing that is genuinely disturbing. Then the film blows right past it with the emotional weight of a shrug.A Santa gets killed. Teen girls get killed. Everyone should be screaming. The mall is like: Anyway, toys. The “hero” chainsmoking Santa is living in the mall and giving off the energy of a man who has seen everything.
At certain points, you see through the elf’s POV, and the film’s like: Congrats! You now have worm perspective.
The dialogue is so deranged that it should be kept in a locked drawer. This film contains the kind of lines that make you pause, stare into the middle distance, and whisper, “Did… did they just say that?”
Elves is one of those rare artifacts that doesn’t feel like it’s trying to be a “so-bad-it’s-good” classic. It’s trying to be something else entirely, and the gap between ambition and execution opens a portal to the funniest possible viewing experience.
It’s messy. It’s offensive. It’s incoherent. It’s inexplicably watchable. And if you’re a holiday horror gremlin who loves cinematic trainwrecks with friends, it’s basically a seasonal tradition waiting to happen.
About the Show:
Our Instagram handles are:
Morbidly Beautiful @morbidlybeautifulhorror | Stephanie @srgreenhaw | Jack @jack_wells_author | Kelly @kellyemintzer| Jonathan @professorpuffins
Follow Morbidly Beautiful on Twitter @xmorbidbeautyx or on Facebook.
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Hey, hey, hey, a wild ride is on the way with this episode of Guilty Pleasures! Join Stephanie, Jack, and Kelly as they take a bite out of the bizarre and bewildering 1980 musical oddity,The Apple. Set in a dystopian 1994 where the music industry reigns supreme, this film is a kaleidoscope of disco, biblical allegories, and questionable songwriting that gives your hosts plenty to talk about… but is any of it GOOD?
Kelly and Jack share their reactions to the film’s outrageous fashion choices, perplexing character arcs, and uncomfortable moments. Meanwhile, Stephanie tries to defend the film against an onslaught of abuse, but can she make a compelling case thatThe Apple is so bad it’s good and not just plain BAD?
The conversation is peppered with laughter, debate, and disbelief as the trio navigates through the film’s ridiculous musical numbers, including the infamous ”BIM” anthem that will stick in your head long after the episode ends. But if you’re anything like Jack and Kelly, that may inspire more rage than respect.
Join the Guilty Pleasures Crew as they grapple with the absurdity ofThe Apple and try to get to the core of the matter, deciding if it’s a guilty pleasure worth revisiting or a cinematic disaster best left forgotten.
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